Hello Newgrounds.

I have a confession. I know this may be shocking but I am in fact a criminal.

Guilty of identity theft.

Back when I was like 11 or 12 I came up with this mess of a username. KDTLCLT. It looks like something that you’d end up with after smashing your skull against the keyboard but it’s actually a combination of bunch of my previous usernames. KD is for KreiviDracula123, TLC stood for The Living Coat and LT meant LittleTNT.

Genius.

But there’s a problem. The name’s a fucking mess and I’m pretty sure no one can remember it except me and a few of my friends. No one knows what it is, no one knows how to pronounce it, everyone keeps messing up the order of the letters and I DON’T BLAME THEM! Thank god there exists a shorter version: KDT. It’s much easier to remember. Pretty much the only good thing about the original version is the fact that it’s literally never taken. I have yet to see a single social networking service that displays the text “KDTLCLT has been taken. Please try KDTLCLT-641” or something along the lines of that.

The thing is, I can’t say the same for “KDT”.

Now, let’s jump back to the year 2022. I make a Newgrounds account and try entering the name KDT.

It’s taken.

Yeah okay that’s fine.. I’ll just use the longer version then. It’s fine it’s not bothering me at all I don’t need the shorter version I’m okay It’s all good It’s okay hahah… hah.

I’m going to get that fucking username.

I’m going to commit identity theft.

but I need help.

So, I get in contact with the criminal mastermind @TomFulp and ask him if he could help me steal this priceless artifact. Lucky for me, he said yes! The original owner of the name “KDT” hadn’t used the account in over 12 years, so that might have influenced Tom’s decision a little. Now, it was just a matter of executing the perfect crime.

We manage to break in and steal the username. (and by that I mean: Tom used his magic admin powers while I did literally nothing to help) But I finally had it! Three white shining beautiful letters. I had what I had been looking for. This also seemed to have a weird effect on the system. The original KDT is still named KDT but if you try going on his profile, you get redirected to me. Everything else went…

…almost perfectly.

I don’t know how but the police managed to figure out that we had stolen something. They just didn’t know what it was. I guess they didn’t notice that I go by a different name now. Nevertheless, I got arrested. Here’s my mug shot:

(Tom managed to get away)

The cops are still trying to figure out what was actually stolen but I’ll never tell them. I don’t care how many deals they try coming up with. This name is too GREAT for me to return it. I will not.

In addition to not knowing what was stolen, they also don’t know where I am. That’s right. I broke out of jail a few hours ago. They don’t know where I am. They don’t know where Tom is. They don’t know where the username is. And they never will.

It’s priceless.

tldr: i change my username